Maddie Moment of the Week - December 2, 2005

"Traveling with Maddie Lou"

Before getting into the Moment I wanted to address some questions that have arisen about our good friend Maddie.

1) "Why is her name Maddie Lou?"

Good question. Before her name was Maddie Lou, Kate decided that she wanted me to call her Katrina, which she thought was more appealing than Kate. So one day on the beach we were talking about our names and Katrina bellowed -

"BRAD, FROM NOW ON I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS MADISON LOUISE. IT'S THE BEST NAME IN THE WORLD. YOU CAN CALL ME MADDIE LOU FOR SHORT. MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU, WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So I agreed, and after a few weeks of calling her Maddie Lou, I noticed it fit her personality perfectly. So much in fact, that she has decided to name her first born daughter Maddie Lou Jr. I can't wait.

2) "Are these Moments really true? I mean, how can anybody do these things? Are these made up?"

Another good question. All of the Moments are 99.99% accurate, with a slim margin of error for dates and times. If they are hard to believe, ask any member of Maddie's family or friends. For some reason Maddie seems to like to change the details, but in the end she usually concedes the truth.

3) "Does Maddie get mad at the MMOTW?"

HAHA No Way!!! While Maddie may seem to be perturbed to have her greatest Moments shown to the world, she not only reads them first but she herself has forwarded them to more people than me. She even asks me details about the upcoming Moment, but of course I never tell her. My ultimate goal is to have a MMOTW reality show, where a camera follows her all day capturing the best Moments that we never see. If anyone is in the production business, let me know.

4) "What is 'WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO?'"

This is a tough one. "WOAOAOOAOA" is my best effort to capture the Maddie Bellow. We all know that Maddie has a unique voice, and your best chance of catching the Bellow is after she has had 5-6 cocktails or if she gets flustered ordering food. The Maddie Bellow tone is a combination of a singing orca whale, a squawking crow, and a screaming baboon. Put all three together and you have "WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOA", in the same exact tone of Maddie's everyday voice. If you need a demonstration and Maddie is being shy, just ask me or any member of Maddie's immediate family. We've heard hours of the Bellow, and we all have mastered it. All it takes is to hear it once, and it will be cemented in your brain forever.

Now the Moment -

I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving, I know Maddie did. After asking her how Thanksgiving dinner was, she replied -

"WELL, SINCE I HATE TURKEY, I JUST HAD THE VEGETABLES. THEY WERE OK. WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Kate, you hate Turkey?"

"SHUT UP BRAD YOU KNOW I DO. I HATE IT WORSE THAN STEAK.. AND MAYO. AND TOMATOES. AND PEAS. IT TASTES DISGUSTING. I ONLY EAT DUCK, WITH A SIDE OF MANGO FRIED RICE AND MAC AND CHEESE FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

eh, whatever. Standard Maddie, that's why we love her.

Anyway, this week's Moment is dedicated to some of the most memorable times shared in the car and on the bus with Maddie. If you thought going to the bar or a restaurant with her was entertainment, I suggest you take a trip, any trip, with Maddie. Maddie loves to travel, and loves to lead the travelling even more.

The first Moment took place a little over a year ago. It was a nice spring Saturday, not too hot, not too cold. So me Verno and the kids are all Kaflounging Maddie style when Maddie runs downstairs.

"HEY GUYS!!!! LET'S GO DOWNTOWN!!!! I'LL GET A FRISBEE!!! WE'LL GO TO THE MONUMENT AND THROW IT AROUND!!! COME ON IT'LL BE FUN WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!"

Scared, and with our ears ringing, we all agree to follow Maddie on one of her infamous *Katrina Tours* (see definition below).

* Katrina Tour - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a car ride with Maddie at the helm that involves various obstacles to reaching the final destination, most likely taking every way possible to either get lost, find a bathroom, or turn a 10 minute ride into an hour, and end up with Maddie crying.
- The Katrina Tour Motto: "We make it up as we go, and go, and go, WOOAOOAOAOAOA!!!!"
ex: "The top Katrina Tours I can remember were the 50 minute ride to Tommy Joe's and getting on the Dulles Toll Road to go to RFK. And let's not forget the 1 hour 49 minute southeast DC Tour on route to a Nats Game."

Having been on a few Tours with Maddie we all are a little nervous, and for good reason. Here is what happened.

10:10 AM Departure - As soon as we get in the car, Maddie asks us if we want lunch. Having just had breakfast 6 minutes earlier, we decline. Maddie gets mad.

10:30 AM - We hit gridlock on Conn. Ave.

11:10 AM - Having been in the car an hour, and moved about 100 feet, we ask Maddie if we can go home.

"NO WAY!!! WE ARE GOING TO THROW THE FRISBEE AND HAVE LUNCH IN THE PARK!!!! EVERYONE RELAX, I'M IN CONTROL!!! WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!"

11:45 AM - We hear a grumbling noise coming from Maddie. After some quiet "woaooaoa's", Maddie swerves out of traffic and pulls over.

11:46 AM - Maddie runs into Mortons.

12: 34 PM - Maddie comes out of Mortons.

12: 35 PM - Arnold and Liz crack up in the back seat, to which Maddie exclaims...

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!! MY STOMACH HURT WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!"

2:30 PM - We finally arrive into the city. After telling Maddie there is no way in hell we are going to find parking on the street, Maddie decides to look for a lot.

3:45 PM - After entering no less than 13 parking garages, all of them full, we order Maddie to take us somewhere to eat. We go to the Dubliner.

4:45 PM - We depart the Dubliner, after instructing Maddie she needs to take us home, NOW.

Now, at this point I am thinking, ok, Maddie claims to be the Queen of Bethesda, she must know how to get home. And furthermore, it has to be impossible for a girl who has spent her entire life in DC to get lost going home. Worse comes to worse, we just find Conn. Ave, or Wisconsin.

4:50 PM - In classic Maddie fashion, she decides there is a "quicker way". So we head INTO southeast DC, passing my office which was right next to the Capitol building. I am so confused at this point.

5:55 PM - We circle around my office, the Capitol building, and the House and the Senate buildings at least 15 times. This is not a lie folks. Finally we make Maddie pull over.

"Kate, where the hell are you taking us"
"Kate, I didn't need a revolving tour of my office"
"Kate for God's sake, take us home"
"Kate, get out, I'm driving"
"Kate, mom and dad are worried about us"
"Kate, have you ever driven in the city before?"
"Kate, I smell something"

6:00 PM, almost NINE hours after we departed, Maddie explains, while crying -

"I'M SORRY OK? I JUST WANTED TO THROW THE FRISBEE. DC'S CHANGED SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE LAST. AND CONNECTICUT AVE DOESN'T TAKE US TO BETHESDA, NEITHER DOES WISCONSIN SO SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL HAVE RUINED THIS TRIP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"

Unbelievable. But not as unbelievable as the time she convinced me to take the bus with her to work.

As we waited for the bus to come right outside of her house in Kensington, Maddie lectured me on what to do.

"BRAD GET YOUR MONEY READY!!! STEP CLOSER!!! AND DON'T MAKE ANY COMMENTS WHEN WE GET ON I SWEAR. I TAKE THIS BUS ALL THE TIME WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!"

Hey, I had never taken the bus before, so I listened. As the bus pulled up, I was ready. Now, Maddie had insisted that she get on first so I could watch and see what to do, so the bus door opened, and Maddie started in.

Little did we know that a small hole was on the bus stairs, about the circumference of a dime. Maddie, always one for fashion, was wearing some really nice, long high heels. A recipe for disaster.

As Maddie stepped onto the bus, she beat the 1 in 1,000,000,000,000 odds and without looking planted her heel perfectly into the hole on the step. Since no strap was on her shoe to hold her in, Maddie threw her hands up, flew out of her shoe, and unleashed the loudest "WOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOA" that I had ever heard. Sensing disaster, the poor bus driver, who was just trying to make an honest living, looked up in horror to see Maddie flying face first into him, effectively smashing the poor man into the glass.

I quickly jumped over Maddie to the unconscious bus driver to see if he needed CPR. Thankfully he was ok, and after Maddie pulled herself together, we finally found a seat. Some people dared to give Maddie a look, to which she fired back her infamous Maddie Message glare. Another man helped me pull out the entrenched heel, at Maddie's orders. To this day I am so thankful that she went first, so I could get a rear view of the legendary *Flying Maddie*, and to avoid the harm that the bus driver endured.

* The Flying Maddie - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a diving plunge by Maddie, usually following a trip, stumble, or alcohol induced stupor, but can also occur during normal walking. One can occur any time or place, but the majority have been seen in bars, bathrooms, during Yoga, playing kickball, and chasing Cooper come bath time. Either paralyzing laughter or hysterical crying ensues.
- ex: "We all watched in amazement as Maddie Lou tripped, took a swan dive off the top step, and toppled down to the basement floor in a span of 1.24 seconds. We were lost for words. It was the Flying Maddie."

I hope you all enjoyed this week's edition of the Maddie Moment of the Week. As always, I have attached the previous three Moments in case you need to get caught up.