The Madison Louise Dictionary of Terms
(Updated Weekly)
Kaflounge - V; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- to sprawl out on the couch, usually when 15 other people are in the room, usually in a peach sweatshirt and red sweatpants. Usually follows a night of drinking. The perfect "Kaflounge" position is on the back, legs either hanging off of the couch or on top of the edge, making it impossible for anyone else to sit. Maximum slobber and strange noises omit from the "Kaflounger".
ex: "As I walked into the Lively house and saw Maddie Lou dominating the entire 20 foot long couch with her slobber on the pillows and her feet in the air, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. This was the ultimate Kaflounge."
Katrina Tour - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a car ride with Maddie at the helm that involves various obstacles to reaching the final destination, most likely taking every way possible to either get lost, find a bathroom, or turn a 10 minute ride into an hour, and usually ends up with Maddie crying.
- The Katrina Tour Motto: "We make it up as we go, and go, and go, WOOAOOAOAOAOA!!!!"
ex: "The top Katrina Tours I can remember were the 50 minute ride to Tommy Joe's and getting on the Dulles Toll Road to go to RFK. And let's not forget the 1 hour 49 minute southeast DC Tour on route to a Nationals Game."
Maddie Message - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a cold, icing stare from Maddie Lou, which can either follow or precede a hilarious Maddie quote, stumble, or moment - sending the message to shut up now, or else.
ex: "After Mr. Lively made the loudest farting noise ever when Maddie bent over on the basketball court to retrieve the baby's toy, he received the worst Maddie Message of the year."
Patootie - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a horrendous mood that Maddie is usually in after a night of 32 cocktails, or if someone tells her to get her ass off of the couch and stop Kaflounging, or if the waiter brings her the wrong food. Patootie's are unique because Maddie swears she has never been in one, and that it's always her Dad, me, or Ron that instigates them.
ex: "When Maddie came downstairs and saw that her mom had baked her a CHOCOLATE cake for her birthday, Maddie screamed, cried, and was in the biggest patootie for days. Apparently, she hates chocolate cake more than steak. What was Mrs. Lively thinking?"
The Flying Maddie - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a diving plunge by Maddie, usually following a trip, stumble, or alcohol induced stupor, but can also occur during normal walking. One can occur any time or place, but the majority have been seen in bars, bathrooms, during Yoga, playing kickball, and chasing Cooper come bath time. Either paralyzing laughter or hysterical crying ensues.
- ex: "We all watched in amazement as Maddie Lou tripped, took a swan dive off the top step, and toppled down to the basement floor in a span of 1.24 seconds. We were lost for words. It was the Flying Maddie."
The Maddie Mobile - N; (From the Madison Louise Dictionary of Terms)
- a car or truck that Maddie drives that has been thoroughly destroyed by Maddie's driving routine of smoking, talking on the phone and eating while driving. Also, the main form of transportation for Maddie Tours. Below is a list of Maddie Mobile's and their lifespan.
The Suburban - Totaled by Maddie - 4 years.
The Honda Civic - Destroyed internally by Maddie - 6 months.
The Navigator - Missing various Hubcaps and broken lighter - 2 years.
The Lincoln Towncar (Current) - Broken Brakes, 30,000 miles w/o an oil change - 3 years.
- "We were excited to see Maddie's new car, and when the green Lincoln Towncar pulled around the bend, screeching and smoking out of the hood, we new this would be the next Maddie Mobile ."
The Maddie Bob and Weave - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- When Maddie, after 10 or 15 cocktails, has trouble standing up straight. As a result, she bobs back and forth, side to side, and usually ends up doing a Flying Maddie or simply falling. From a distance, it looks as if she is doing a polka dance jiggle.
- ex. "I was getting dizzy trying to talk to her. She was bobbing up and down and doing some short of shake, with strange burps and gurgles omitting from her. The Maddie Bob and Weave was too much, so I left.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Maddie Moment of the Week - January 19th, 2005
"Maddie goes to Key West"
*I would like to apologize for the delay in the Maddie Moment (I've heard that Bayly has wanted to kill me), but i have been really tied up. Also, this moment is a little on the longer side, so bear with me.*
It was a cold January night when I picked the Lively's up from the airport upon their arrival from a Christmas stay in Key West. The first one I saw was Sarge.
Me - "Sarge, how the hell was the trip?"
Sarge - "Goddamn Maddie Lou. She is insane. I'm telling you she is certifiable."
Right then and there I knew that Maddie had Maddieized the island. Arnold confirmed this fact.
"Oh my God you should have seen Maddie."
Yes Arnold, I sure as hell wish i was there.
After Maddie's patented Banana Republic coat blowup the previous Christmas, the Lively family decided that it would be best for their health and Maddie's if they got Maddie out of Kensington and took her to a tropical paradise for Christmas. Obviously, no present that they could buy her would make her happy, so they figured a relaxing vacation would do the trick.
"I honestly thought that after the Banana Republic blowup, Maddie would enjoy Key West. Now, looking back, i don't know if Key West will ever recover." - Mrs. Lively
After the family arrived in Miami, they decided to get some fast food. Maddie was outraged.
"EWWWW BURGER KING??? I HATE BURGER KING!! I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE BUT I HATE FAST FOOD!!!! OK I'LL GO FIRST, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE WHOPPER COMBO WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!"
As everyone else is munching down the BK, they hear a devastating scream...
"WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA THERE'S MAYO ON MY WHOPPER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAO GROSS I'M GONNA PUKE WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now we all know that Maddie hates Mayo, except on cheesesteaks of course, which she likes extra mayoized "BECAUSE I USED TO GET EXTRA CHEESE BUT DAD SAID THAT WAS GROSS AND THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A DRY CHEESESTEAK WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so the first Maddie explosion occurred. While everyone else told her to shut up and eat, Maddie wouldn't let it go.
"NO WAY I'M EATING THIS CRAP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA" she creamed as she threw her entire sandwich into the garbage. "MOM, GIVE ME YOUR BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO"
So poor Mrs. Lively didn't eat before the long drive to key West. Maddie's explanation of this cowardly act went as follows -
"WELL BRADFORD SINCE I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO BURGER KING AND NO ONE INFORMED ME THAT MAYO WOULD BE ON THE WHOPPER, IT IS THEIR FAULT. I'M MOM'S FIRST BORN CHILD, SHE SHOULD HAVE OFFERED TO GIVE ME HER BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me - "Kate, that is almost as bad as the time you threw your mom out of the front seat of the Navigator forcing her to sit squashed next to me Jack, Liz and Vern because, and i quote, "I'M HUNG OVER AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD WOAOAOAOAOAO!!! MOM, GET OUT OF THE FRONT SEAT WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A THREE HOUR RIDE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maddie - "SHUT UP, BRAD"
Mini Maddie Moment # 1
So the Lively family finally made it to Key West. Maddie's first order of business, Kaflounge wear. Because if there was one thing Maddie was going to do in Key West, it was Kaflounge. So Maddie went shopping. I've already mentioned that Maddie is one for high fashion, and she did not disappoint.
"OK GUYS, WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE BEACH WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family stood in amazement. Standing in front of them was Maddie Lou, clad in a 4XL Peach/Papaya colored "Key West" Hoodie, with matching Siamese sarong. They were speechless.
"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? YOU ALL ARE JUST JEALOUS OF MY NEW HOODIE. NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW I'VE BEEN TO KEY WEST!!!! AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR BORING CLOTHES LIKE RON WAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Family quotes about the Hoodie -
Sarge - "Honestly Brad, she didn't take it off the entire week."
Jack - "Don't even ask."
Liz - "She even Kaflounged in it on the beach in 110 degree weather."
Vern - "Standard Maddie."
Mrs. Lively - "Brad, I've always wondered why she doesn't just get normal clothes."
Mini Maddie Moment #2
So one night the family decided to go to a very nice steak house. Maddie did not go with the family, instead she was 8 hours deep in an all day drink fest in which she consumed 32 "STOLI RAS AND VODKA WITH A SPLASH OF CRANBERRY WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND A FEW MAI TAI'S WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now, since this was a nice steak house, you'd assume people would go in normal attire, nice pants/shirt, maybe a jacket and tie, you know, something presentable. But we already know that Maddie hates steak. And because she hates steak she feels no need to conform to these rules.
Just as the waiter is about to take drink orders, Maddie stumbles through the doors.
"(burp) I'M HERE GUYS WOOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (toot)"
The family stares in disbelief. Maddie has come to dinner in her Pink Mango Hoodie over her bathing suit, a fur hat, and reef sandals. Doing the Maddie Bob and Weave, she makes her way over to the table.
"HEY GUYS, DID WE ORDER YET WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA (toot)??? EXCUSE ME, MR. WAITER, I'LL HAVE A SHRIMP GUAVA MANGO SCOTCH DIRTY MARTINI ON THE ROCKS WOOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (burp)."
After the waiter returned with the beers, sodas, and the 4 quart concoction that Maddie ordered, it was time to order dinner. Now remember what happened in the Maddie Moment entitled, "The Santa Fe Omelette".
The waiter begins. The family all orders classic steakhouse entrees i.e. filet's, prime rib, lobster, chicken...then the waiter comes to Maddie. But before she orders, she has a question.
"EXCUSE ME MR. WAITER, BUT DO RECOMMEND THE KEY WEST GROUPER STUFFED WITH EEL AND SQUID SOUFFLE OR THE CAVIAR COVERED SHARK, LAID ON A BED OF BEETS AND BRUSSEL SPROUTS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family, almost losing their appetite, PLEAD with Maddie to get something normal.
"OK WHATEVER YOU ALL ARE BORING. FINE. I'LL HAVE THE FULL ROAST DUCK, COVERED WITH A HOLLANDAISE SAUCE, WITH A MANGO GLAZE AND A SIDE OF TERIYAKI POTATOES, GARNISHED WITH CILANTRO AND HOT SAUCE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!"
So I want you all to picture Maddie in this restaurant comparable to the Prime Rib or Mortons. She is "sitting" (bobbing back and forth, omitting strange sounds) in her chair, guzzling her vat of tropical shrimp/scotch combo, wearing her Papaya Hoodie and bathing suit, eating a full duck, and "WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAA - ing" at about 150 decibels. To this day the family claims she had to be in another world.
Mini Maddie Moment 3
As you could imagine, the next day Maddie was a little hung over. Now, as we have discussed with Maddie's Bob and Weave, Maddie has a little trouble with balance, equilibrium, or whatever makes you not fall over. We all have seen our fair share of Flying Maddie's and we often wonder how they are humanly possible. So this day Maddie was doing some serious Bobbing. But that didn't stop her from trying to con Sarge into embarking on a Katrina Tour - Key West style.
"SARGE, LET'S RENT MOTORBIKES AND GO ON A 4 HOUR RIDE TOPPED OFF WITH SOME SANGRIA WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sarge, tired from saying "no" to Kate the entire trip agrees to go for a short ride. So they rent some motorbikes and get ready for the trip. The rest is taken from Sarge's real life account.
"OK SARGE I'LL GO FIRST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO" Maddie bellowed, and she took off. Folks, not more than 3.56 seconds after their departure did Maddie do some tipping.
"WOA........WOAOAOAOOAOAOA...............................WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And in that instant, Maddie flew off the bike that was going 3 MPH, landed on her back and had her feet in the air, crying, while the bike fell over and broke. Sarge, staring in complete amazement just said -
"Well, I saw that one coming from a mile away."
Maddie got herself together, they turned in the bikes, and Maddie went to the bar.
Mini Maddie Moment #4
By the end of the trip Maddie was in a huge *patootie* (see definition below), and man was it beginning to show.
Patootie - N; (From The Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a horrendous mood that Maddie is usually in after a night of 32 cocktails, or if someone tells her to get her ass off of the couch and stop Kaflounging, or if the waiter brings her the wrong food. Patootie's are unique because Maddie swears she has never been in one, and that it's always her Dad, me, or Ron that instigates them.
- "When Maddie came downstairs and saw that her mom had baked her a CHOCOLATE cake for her birthday, Maddie screamed, cried, and was in the biggest patootie for days. Apparently, she hates chocolate cake more than steak. What was Mrs. Lively thinking."
After the long drive back to Miami airport the family did not have time to have a sit down lunch, so as they did before they got some fast food, only this time it was from Wendy's instead of BK. Mrs. lively added this observation -
"Brad by this point in the trip everyone was annoyed with Maddie, and Maddie hated everyone. So, i gave her my front seat again while we were all squished in the back, just trying to give everyone some space."
But of course, Maddie wasn't talking to anyone. So when Mr. Lively pulled up to the drive through window and asked what everyone wanted, she said nothing. After the entire family screamed at her and told her to grow up she belted -
"FINE WHATEVER GET ME A BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAAOOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now most people know that when ordering a burger, especially at a fast food joint, one can expect a normal hamburger. If one wanted cheese, they would say CHEESEBURGER. Pretty standard, i think most 5-year old's know this.
Not Maddie.
"WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA GO BACK GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE CHEESE ON MY BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!! THIS IS GROSS I WANTED A CHEESEBURGER WOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOM, GIVE ME YOUR CHEESEBURGER NOW WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Collectively -
"Kate you idiot, why didn't you say CHEESEBURGER??? Are you insane? What are you 5? Kathy, no way in hell are you giving her your cheeseburger. Maybe if you had answered when we asked you we wouldn't have this problem. Kate, stop farting!!!"
Now see if this response sounds familiar -
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!! WHAT STUPID PLACE WOULDN'T PUT CHEESE ON THEIR BURGERS WOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN TO WENDY'S BEFORE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE BATHROOM WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So apparently Maddie has never been to either BK or Wendy's, where yes, you must say cheese if you want a cheeseburger. Unbelievable.
I hope you all enjoyed the 6th installment of the MMOTW. Next week's moment is really a gem, I'll try to get it out early.
"Maddie goes to Key West"
*I would like to apologize for the delay in the Maddie Moment (I've heard that Bayly has wanted to kill me), but i have been really tied up. Also, this moment is a little on the longer side, so bear with me.*
It was a cold January night when I picked the Lively's up from the airport upon their arrival from a Christmas stay in Key West. The first one I saw was Sarge.
Me - "Sarge, how the hell was the trip?"
Sarge - "Goddamn Maddie Lou. She is insane. I'm telling you she is certifiable."
Right then and there I knew that Maddie had Maddieized the island. Arnold confirmed this fact.
"Oh my God you should have seen Maddie."
Yes Arnold, I sure as hell wish i was there.
After Maddie's patented Banana Republic coat blowup the previous Christmas, the Lively family decided that it would be best for their health and Maddie's if they got Maddie out of Kensington and took her to a tropical paradise for Christmas. Obviously, no present that they could buy her would make her happy, so they figured a relaxing vacation would do the trick.
"I honestly thought that after the Banana Republic blowup, Maddie would enjoy Key West. Now, looking back, i don't know if Key West will ever recover." - Mrs. Lively
After the family arrived in Miami, they decided to get some fast food. Maddie was outraged.
"EWWWW BURGER KING??? I HATE BURGER KING!! I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE BUT I HATE FAST FOOD!!!! OK I'LL GO FIRST, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE WHOPPER COMBO WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!"
As everyone else is munching down the BK, they hear a devastating scream...
"WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA THERE'S MAYO ON MY WHOPPER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAO GROSS I'M GONNA PUKE WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now we all know that Maddie hates Mayo, except on cheesesteaks of course, which she likes extra mayoized "BECAUSE I USED TO GET EXTRA CHEESE BUT DAD SAID THAT WAS GROSS AND THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A DRY CHEESESTEAK WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so the first Maddie explosion occurred. While everyone else told her to shut up and eat, Maddie wouldn't let it go.
"NO WAY I'M EATING THIS CRAP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA" she creamed as she threw her entire sandwich into the garbage. "MOM, GIVE ME YOUR BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO"
So poor Mrs. Lively didn't eat before the long drive to key West. Maddie's explanation of this cowardly act went as follows -
"WELL BRADFORD SINCE I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO BURGER KING AND NO ONE INFORMED ME THAT MAYO WOULD BE ON THE WHOPPER, IT IS THEIR FAULT. I'M MOM'S FIRST BORN CHILD, SHE SHOULD HAVE OFFERED TO GIVE ME HER BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me - "Kate, that is almost as bad as the time you threw your mom out of the front seat of the Navigator forcing her to sit squashed next to me Jack, Liz and Vern because, and i quote, "I'M HUNG OVER AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD WOAOAOAOAOAO!!! MOM, GET OUT OF THE FRONT SEAT WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A THREE HOUR RIDE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maddie - "SHUT UP, BRAD"
Mini Maddie Moment # 1
So the Lively family finally made it to Key West. Maddie's first order of business, Kaflounge wear. Because if there was one thing Maddie was going to do in Key West, it was Kaflounge. So Maddie went shopping. I've already mentioned that Maddie is one for high fashion, and she did not disappoint.
"OK GUYS, WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE BEACH WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family stood in amazement. Standing in front of them was Maddie Lou, clad in a 4XL Peach/Papaya colored "Key West" Hoodie, with matching Siamese sarong. They were speechless.
"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? YOU ALL ARE JUST JEALOUS OF MY NEW HOODIE. NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW I'VE BEEN TO KEY WEST!!!! AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR BORING CLOTHES LIKE RON WAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Family quotes about the Hoodie -
Sarge - "Honestly Brad, she didn't take it off the entire week."
Jack - "Don't even ask."
Liz - "She even Kaflounged in it on the beach in 110 degree weather."
Vern - "Standard Maddie."
Mrs. Lively - "Brad, I've always wondered why she doesn't just get normal clothes."
Mini Maddie Moment #2
So one night the family decided to go to a very nice steak house. Maddie did not go with the family, instead she was 8 hours deep in an all day drink fest in which she consumed 32 "STOLI RAS AND VODKA WITH A SPLASH OF CRANBERRY WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND A FEW MAI TAI'S WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now, since this was a nice steak house, you'd assume people would go in normal attire, nice pants/shirt, maybe a jacket and tie, you know, something presentable. But we already know that Maddie hates steak. And because she hates steak she feels no need to conform to these rules.
Just as the waiter is about to take drink orders, Maddie stumbles through the doors.
"(burp) I'M HERE GUYS WOOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (toot)"
The family stares in disbelief. Maddie has come to dinner in her Pink Mango Hoodie over her bathing suit, a fur hat, and reef sandals. Doing the Maddie Bob and Weave, she makes her way over to the table.
"HEY GUYS, DID WE ORDER YET WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA (toot)??? EXCUSE ME, MR. WAITER, I'LL HAVE A SHRIMP GUAVA MANGO SCOTCH DIRTY MARTINI ON THE ROCKS WOOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (burp)."
After the waiter returned with the beers, sodas, and the 4 quart concoction that Maddie ordered, it was time to order dinner. Now remember what happened in the Maddie Moment entitled, "The Santa Fe Omelette".
The waiter begins. The family all orders classic steakhouse entrees i.e. filet's, prime rib, lobster, chicken...then the waiter comes to Maddie. But before she orders, she has a question.
"EXCUSE ME MR. WAITER, BUT DO RECOMMEND THE KEY WEST GROUPER STUFFED WITH EEL AND SQUID SOUFFLE OR THE CAVIAR COVERED SHARK, LAID ON A BED OF BEETS AND BRUSSEL SPROUTS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family, almost losing their appetite, PLEAD with Maddie to get something normal.
"OK WHATEVER YOU ALL ARE BORING. FINE. I'LL HAVE THE FULL ROAST DUCK, COVERED WITH A HOLLANDAISE SAUCE, WITH A MANGO GLAZE AND A SIDE OF TERIYAKI POTATOES, GARNISHED WITH CILANTRO AND HOT SAUCE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!"
So I want you all to picture Maddie in this restaurant comparable to the Prime Rib or Mortons. She is "sitting" (bobbing back and forth, omitting strange sounds) in her chair, guzzling her vat of tropical shrimp/scotch combo, wearing her Papaya Hoodie and bathing suit, eating a full duck, and "WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAA - ing" at about 150 decibels. To this day the family claims she had to be in another world.
Mini Maddie Moment 3
As you could imagine, the next day Maddie was a little hung over. Now, as we have discussed with Maddie's Bob and Weave, Maddie has a little trouble with balance, equilibrium, or whatever makes you not fall over. We all have seen our fair share of Flying Maddie's and we often wonder how they are humanly possible. So this day Maddie was doing some serious Bobbing. But that didn't stop her from trying to con Sarge into embarking on a Katrina Tour - Key West style.
"SARGE, LET'S RENT MOTORBIKES AND GO ON A 4 HOUR RIDE TOPPED OFF WITH SOME SANGRIA WOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sarge, tired from saying "no" to Kate the entire trip agrees to go for a short ride. So they rent some motorbikes and get ready for the trip. The rest is taken from Sarge's real life account.
"OK SARGE I'LL GO FIRST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO" Maddie bellowed, and she took off. Folks, not more than 3.56 seconds after their departure did Maddie do some tipping.
"WOA........WOAOAOAOOAOAOA...............................WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And in that instant, Maddie flew off the bike that was going 3 MPH, landed on her back and had her feet in the air, crying, while the bike fell over and broke. Sarge, staring in complete amazement just said -
"Well, I saw that one coming from a mile away."
Maddie got herself together, they turned in the bikes, and Maddie went to the bar.
Mini Maddie Moment #4
By the end of the trip Maddie was in a huge *patootie* (see definition below), and man was it beginning to show.
Patootie - N; (From The Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a horrendous mood that Maddie is usually in after a night of 32 cocktails, or if someone tells her to get her ass off of the couch and stop Kaflounging, or if the waiter brings her the wrong food. Patootie's are unique because Maddie swears she has never been in one, and that it's always her Dad, me, or Ron that instigates them.
- "When Maddie came downstairs and saw that her mom had baked her a CHOCOLATE cake for her birthday, Maddie screamed, cried, and was in the biggest patootie for days. Apparently, she hates chocolate cake more than steak. What was Mrs. Lively thinking."
After the long drive back to Miami airport the family did not have time to have a sit down lunch, so as they did before they got some fast food, only this time it was from Wendy's instead of BK. Mrs. lively added this observation -
"Brad by this point in the trip everyone was annoyed with Maddie, and Maddie hated everyone. So, i gave her my front seat again while we were all squished in the back, just trying to give everyone some space."
But of course, Maddie wasn't talking to anyone. So when Mr. Lively pulled up to the drive through window and asked what everyone wanted, she said nothing. After the entire family screamed at her and told her to grow up she belted -
"FINE WHATEVER GET ME A BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAAOOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now most people know that when ordering a burger, especially at a fast food joint, one can expect a normal hamburger. If one wanted cheese, they would say CHEESEBURGER. Pretty standard, i think most 5-year old's know this.
Not Maddie.
"WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA GO BACK GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE CHEESE ON MY BURGER WOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!! THIS IS GROSS I WANTED A CHEESEBURGER WOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOM, GIVE ME YOUR CHEESEBURGER NOW WOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Collectively -
"Kate you idiot, why didn't you say CHEESEBURGER??? Are you insane? What are you 5? Kathy, no way in hell are you giving her your cheeseburger. Maybe if you had answered when we asked you we wouldn't have this problem. Kate, stop farting!!!"
Now see if this response sounds familiar -
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!! WHAT STUPID PLACE WOULDN'T PUT CHEESE ON THEIR BURGERS WOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN TO WENDY'S BEFORE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE BATHROOM WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So apparently Maddie has never been to either BK or Wendy's, where yes, you must say cheese if you want a cheeseburger. Unbelievable.
I hope you all enjoyed the 6th installment of the MMOTW. Next week's moment is really a gem, I'll try to get it out early.
Maddie Moment of the Week - December 23, 2005
"Christmas With Maddie Lou"
My sincere apologies for the cancelled Maddie Moments the last two weeks. I know Maddie claims to be innocent in this situation, but here is what transpired:
"BRAD YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS!!! NO WAY THAT ONE IS GETTING SENT OUT!!!! NO ONE EVEN THINKS THESE ARE FUNNY. IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT ONE I'LL NEVER MAKE SWEDISH MEATBALLS AGAIN WOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (of course the black listed Moment is available by cash only)
But anyway, as the holiday season approaches, I've decided to share some memories with you about past Maddie Moments during Christmas. Some believe that the best Maddie-isms have occurred on Christmas mornings, and here are some of them.
Maddie Christmas Blow-up #1
"The White Coat"
Before getting into the first Moment i feel that i should go through a typical Christmas morning with Maddie. Maddie does not like Christmas. She simply believes that she has never received a good gift in 25 years. On Christmas Eve, Maddie likes to Kaflounge on the couch so there is as little movement as possible the next morning and no room for anyone else to sit. Like clockwork on that Christmas, Maddie was in a bad mood. She woke up and immediately said...
"OH GOD HERE WE GO, WHY DID WE WAKE UP SO EARLY??? WHO DECORATED THE TREE THIS YEAR IT STINKS!!!! WHATEVER GET ME MY PRESENTS. AND WHERE'S BREAKFAST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!"
Next, Maddie pulled out her annual Christmas inventory list. This is the list she uses to make sure that NO ONE receives more gifts than her. For example...
"WELL, ACCORDING TO MY LIST IT SEEMS THAT ONCE AGAIN I HAVE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF PRESENTS. AND THEY ALL STINK SO FAR. OH, AND I SEE THAT RON HAS GOTTEN NICE CLOTHES WHILE MINE ARE ALL FOR 50 YEAR OLD WOMEN. WHATEVER I'LL JUST RETURN THEM ALL. I'M GOING FOR SUSHI WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But one such present that "RON" got put Maddie over the top.
Maddie likes to make it clear 3 months before Christmas what she wants. And two years ago, the list was topped with a white long coat from Banana Republic. Maddie demanded it be hers.
"OK MOM I WANT THAT COAT. NOT ANY OTHER COAT, THIS ONE. I DON'T WANT A FRUMPY OLD HAG COAT. AND MAKE SURE YOU GET IT SOON SO IT DOESN'T SELL OUT. AND I WANT TO OPEN IT FIRST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So poor Mrs. Lively, who always tries to make Maddie happy on Christmas, headed to Banana to get the coat. One problem: the coat was only available in extra small. So Mrs. lively thought it might be a good fit for Veronica, and although she knew Maddie would punish her for life, she got the coat for Veronica.
That Christmas Morning, as Maddie was doing her standard inventory check, she sees a Banana Republic coat bag hanging by the tree.
"WELL FINALLY I GOT SOMETHING GOOD. ITS ABOUT TIME. OK HARRY, MADDIE'S A LITTLE HUNG OVER. GET HER THE COAT PLEASE WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs. Lively, seeing Maddie stare at the coat like it's a Santa Fe Omlette, knew trouble was ahead.
"Now Kate, i don't want you to be mad, but this is for Veronica" she said, as Verno saw the coat and loved it.
Like Mount St. Helen pouring molten lava on innocent civilians, Maddie exploded in a tirade that the neighbors still believe bordered on a noise violation.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOOAAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some Lively kids say they wake up at night screaming just thinking about this Maddie Bellow. Rumor has it that the dog ran away in fear and the ornaments were blown off of the tree. Sarge had to peel Jack of off of the wall. Liz was covered in Maddie spit.
"I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!! I ASKED FOR THAT VERY SAME COAT AND YOU GIVE IT TO VERN!!!!! TYPICAL!!!!!!!!!! I HATE CHRISTMAS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs Lively, in an effort to stop the Bellow and make Maddie feel better, ordered the family to start piling Maddie under her 176 other "AWFUL" presents. Maddie, not impressed, hid under the presents and didn't say anything for the rest of the day.
It should be noted that this year Maddie again demanded a coat, this time a black one. We are all very nervous about the result and we have warned the neighbors that a Bellow may be forthcoming.
Maddie Christmas Blow-up #2
"SpongeKate Square Pants"
If anyone (besides myself, of course) knows how to rile Maddie up it is Joe Lively, Sr. He has witnessed all of Maddie's shenanigans and Christmas blow-ups first hand. So, rather than get mad at Maddie for acting like a 2 year old every Christmas, he feeds into it.
Now, anyone who knows Maddie knows that she loves condiments (except Mayo, of course). Ranch dressing, duck sauce, soy sauce you name it, if it isn't at the table, Maddie loses it. So Mr. Lively decided one Christmas to get her what she really likes...
"OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, A BOX OF CONDIMENTS????? ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH. ESPECIALLY YOU DAD WOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kate, the box goes along with this present" Mr. Lively says as he hands her a huge box.
Maddie, sensing that she might have been duped, opens the box, to find a 5 foot by 3 foot Spongebob Squarepants. She gives her dad the worst Maddie Glare of all time. He explains.
"Kate, i got this to show that if you eat all of the condiments, you'll look like Spongebob Squarepants HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA"
Of course the entire family howls in laughter. And of course, Maddie loses it.
"DAD, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Merry Christmas to you too Kate"
List of Items Barred from the Lively Christmas Dinner (at Maddie's order):
Turkey
Steak
Tomatoes
Peas
Mashed Potatoes
Onions
Hebrew National Hot Dogs
Mayo
Milk
Water
List of Items that Maddie insists must be at the Lively Christmas Dinner:
Sushi
Duck
Mango Fried Rice
Teriyaki Emu
Octopus Stuffed Ravioli
Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs
Ranch Dressing
Maine Lobster Tails
Bloody Mary's
Sangria
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, or whatever is to your liking. Stay tuned for the much anticipated Maddie Moments including Maddie's career ideas and Maddie's trip to Florida. Peace!
"Christmas With Maddie Lou"
My sincere apologies for the cancelled Maddie Moments the last two weeks. I know Maddie claims to be innocent in this situation, but here is what transpired:
"BRAD YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS!!! NO WAY THAT ONE IS GETTING SENT OUT!!!! NO ONE EVEN THINKS THESE ARE FUNNY. IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT ONE I'LL NEVER MAKE SWEDISH MEATBALLS AGAIN WOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (of course the black listed Moment is available by cash only)
But anyway, as the holiday season approaches, I've decided to share some memories with you about past Maddie Moments during Christmas. Some believe that the best Maddie-isms have occurred on Christmas mornings, and here are some of them.
Maddie Christmas Blow-up #1
"The White Coat"
Before getting into the first Moment i feel that i should go through a typical Christmas morning with Maddie. Maddie does not like Christmas. She simply believes that she has never received a good gift in 25 years. On Christmas Eve, Maddie likes to Kaflounge on the couch so there is as little movement as possible the next morning and no room for anyone else to sit. Like clockwork on that Christmas, Maddie was in a bad mood. She woke up and immediately said...
"OH GOD HERE WE GO, WHY DID WE WAKE UP SO EARLY??? WHO DECORATED THE TREE THIS YEAR IT STINKS!!!! WHATEVER GET ME MY PRESENTS. AND WHERE'S BREAKFAST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!"
Next, Maddie pulled out her annual Christmas inventory list. This is the list she uses to make sure that NO ONE receives more gifts than her. For example...
"WELL, ACCORDING TO MY LIST IT SEEMS THAT ONCE AGAIN I HAVE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF PRESENTS. AND THEY ALL STINK SO FAR. OH, AND I SEE THAT RON HAS GOTTEN NICE CLOTHES WHILE MINE ARE ALL FOR 50 YEAR OLD WOMEN. WHATEVER I'LL JUST RETURN THEM ALL. I'M GOING FOR SUSHI WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But one such present that "RON" got put Maddie over the top.
Maddie likes to make it clear 3 months before Christmas what she wants. And two years ago, the list was topped with a white long coat from Banana Republic. Maddie demanded it be hers.
"OK MOM I WANT THAT COAT. NOT ANY OTHER COAT, THIS ONE. I DON'T WANT A FRUMPY OLD HAG COAT. AND MAKE SURE YOU GET IT SOON SO IT DOESN'T SELL OUT. AND I WANT TO OPEN IT FIRST WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So poor Mrs. Lively, who always tries to make Maddie happy on Christmas, headed to Banana to get the coat. One problem: the coat was only available in extra small. So Mrs. lively thought it might be a good fit for Veronica, and although she knew Maddie would punish her for life, she got the coat for Veronica.
That Christmas Morning, as Maddie was doing her standard inventory check, she sees a Banana Republic coat bag hanging by the tree.
"WELL FINALLY I GOT SOMETHING GOOD. ITS ABOUT TIME. OK HARRY, MADDIE'S A LITTLE HUNG OVER. GET HER THE COAT PLEASE WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs. Lively, seeing Maddie stare at the coat like it's a Santa Fe Omlette, knew trouble was ahead.
"Now Kate, i don't want you to be mad, but this is for Veronica" she said, as Verno saw the coat and loved it.
Like Mount St. Helen pouring molten lava on innocent civilians, Maddie exploded in a tirade that the neighbors still believe bordered on a noise violation.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAAOAOAOAOOAOAOAAOAOAOAOAOAOOAAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some Lively kids say they wake up at night screaming just thinking about this Maddie Bellow. Rumor has it that the dog ran away in fear and the ornaments were blown off of the tree. Sarge had to peel Jack of off of the wall. Liz was covered in Maddie spit.
"I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!! I ASKED FOR THAT VERY SAME COAT AND YOU GIVE IT TO VERN!!!!! TYPICAL!!!!!!!!!! I HATE CHRISTMAS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs Lively, in an effort to stop the Bellow and make Maddie feel better, ordered the family to start piling Maddie under her 176 other "AWFUL" presents. Maddie, not impressed, hid under the presents and didn't say anything for the rest of the day.
It should be noted that this year Maddie again demanded a coat, this time a black one. We are all very nervous about the result and we have warned the neighbors that a Bellow may be forthcoming.
Maddie Christmas Blow-up #2
"SpongeKate Square Pants"
If anyone (besides myself, of course) knows how to rile Maddie up it is Joe Lively, Sr. He has witnessed all of Maddie's shenanigans and Christmas blow-ups first hand. So, rather than get mad at Maddie for acting like a 2 year old every Christmas, he feeds into it.
Now, anyone who knows Maddie knows that she loves condiments (except Mayo, of course). Ranch dressing, duck sauce, soy sauce you name it, if it isn't at the table, Maddie loses it. So Mr. Lively decided one Christmas to get her what she really likes...
"OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, A BOX OF CONDIMENTS????? ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH. ESPECIALLY YOU DAD WOAAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kate, the box goes along with this present" Mr. Lively says as he hands her a huge box.
Maddie, sensing that she might have been duped, opens the box, to find a 5 foot by 3 foot Spongebob Squarepants. She gives her dad the worst Maddie Glare of all time. He explains.
"Kate, i got this to show that if you eat all of the condiments, you'll look like Spongebob Squarepants HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA"
Of course the entire family howls in laughter. And of course, Maddie loses it.
"DAD, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Merry Christmas to you too Kate"
List of Items Barred from the Lively Christmas Dinner (at Maddie's order):
Turkey
Steak
Tomatoes
Peas
Mashed Potatoes
Onions
Hebrew National Hot Dogs
Mayo
Milk
Water
List of Items that Maddie insists must be at the Lively Christmas Dinner:
Sushi
Duck
Mango Fried Rice
Teriyaki Emu
Octopus Stuffed Ravioli
Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs
Ranch Dressing
Maine Lobster Tails
Bloody Mary's
Sangria
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, or whatever is to your liking. Stay tuned for the much anticipated Maddie Moments including Maddie's career ideas and Maddie's trip to Florida. Peace!
Maddie Moment of the Week - December 2, 2005
"Traveling with Maddie Lou"
Before getting into the Moment I wanted to address some questions that have arisen about our good friend Maddie.
1) "Why is her name Maddie Lou?"
Good question. Before her name was Maddie Lou, Kate decided that she wanted me to call her Katrina, which she thought was more appealing than Kate. So one day on the beach we were talking about our names and Katrina bellowed -
"BRAD, FROM NOW ON I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS MADISON LOUISE. IT'S THE BEST NAME IN THE WORLD. YOU CAN CALL ME MADDIE LOU FOR SHORT. MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU, WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I agreed, and after a few weeks of calling her Maddie Lou, I noticed it fit her personality perfectly. So much in fact, that she has decided to name her first born daughter Maddie Lou Jr. I can't wait.
2) "Are these Moments really true? I mean, how can anybody do these things? Are these made up?"
Another good question. All of the Moments are 99.99% accurate, with a slim margin of error for dates and times. If they are hard to believe, ask any member of Maddie's family or friends. For some reason Maddie seems to like to change the details, but in the end she usually concedes the truth.
3) "Does Maddie get mad at the MMOTW?"
HAHA No Way!!! While Maddie may seem to be perturbed to have her greatest Moments shown to the world, she not only reads them first but she herself has forwarded them to more people than me. She even asks me details about the upcoming Moment, but of course I never tell her. My ultimate goal is to have a MMOTW reality show, where a camera follows her all day capturing the best Moments that we never see. If anyone is in the production business, let me know.
4) "What is 'WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO?'"
This is a tough one. "WOAOAOOAOA" is my best effort to capture the Maddie Bellow. We all know that Maddie has a unique voice, and your best chance of catching the Bellow is after she has had 5-6 cocktails or if she gets flustered ordering food. The Maddie Bellow tone is a combination of a singing orca whale, a squawking crow, and a screaming baboon. Put all three together and you have "WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOA", in the same exact tone of Maddie's everyday voice. If you need a demonstration and Maddie is being shy, just ask me or any member of Maddie's immediate family. We've heard hours of the Bellow, and we all have mastered it. All it takes is to hear it once, and it will be cemented in your brain forever.
Now the Moment -
I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving, I know Maddie did. After asking her how Thanksgiving dinner was, she replied -
"WELL, SINCE I HATE TURKEY, I JUST HAD THE VEGETABLES. THEY WERE OK. WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kate, you hate Turkey?"
"SHUT UP BRAD YOU KNOW I DO. I HATE IT WORSE THAN STEAK.. AND MAYO. AND TOMATOES. AND PEAS. IT TASTES DISGUSTING. I ONLY EAT DUCK, WITH A SIDE OF MANGO FRIED RICE AND MAC AND CHEESE FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
eh, whatever. Standard Maddie, that's why we love her.
Anyway, this week's Moment is dedicated to some of the most memorable times shared in the car and on the bus with Maddie. If you thought going to the bar or a restaurant with her was entertainment, I suggest you take a trip, any trip, with Maddie. Maddie loves to travel, and loves to lead the travelling even more.
The first Moment took place a little over a year ago. It was a nice spring Saturday, not too hot, not too cold. So me Verno and the kids are all Kaflounging Maddie style when Maddie runs downstairs.
"HEY GUYS!!!! LET'S GO DOWNTOWN!!!! I'LL GET A FRISBEE!!! WE'LL GO TO THE MONUMENT AND THROW IT AROUND!!! COME ON IT'LL BE FUN WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!"
Scared, and with our ears ringing, we all agree to follow Maddie on one of her infamous *Katrina Tours* (see definition below).
* Katrina Tour - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a car ride with Maddie at the helm that involves various obstacles to reaching the final destination, most likely taking every way possible to either get lost, find a bathroom, or turn a 10 minute ride into an hour, and end up with Maddie crying.
- The Katrina Tour Motto: "We make it up as we go, and go, and go, WOOAOOAOAOAOA!!!!"
ex: "The top Katrina Tours I can remember were the 50 minute ride to Tommy Joe's and getting on the Dulles Toll Road to go to RFK. And let's not forget the 1 hour 49 minute southeast DC Tour on route to a Nats Game."
Having been on a few Tours with Maddie we all are a little nervous, and for good reason. Here is what happened.
10:10 AM Departure - As soon as we get in the car, Maddie asks us if we want lunch. Having just had breakfast 6 minutes earlier, we decline. Maddie gets mad.
10:30 AM - We hit gridlock on Conn. Ave.
11:10 AM - Having been in the car an hour, and moved about 100 feet, we ask Maddie if we can go home.
"NO WAY!!! WE ARE GOING TO THROW THE FRISBEE AND HAVE LUNCH IN THE PARK!!!! EVERYONE RELAX, I'M IN CONTROL!!! WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!"
11:45 AM - We hear a grumbling noise coming from Maddie. After some quiet "woaooaoa's", Maddie swerves out of traffic and pulls over.
11:46 AM - Maddie runs into Mortons.
12: 34 PM - Maddie comes out of Mortons.
12: 35 PM - Arnold and Liz crack up in the back seat, to which Maddie exclaims...
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!! MY STOMACH HURT WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!"
2:30 PM - We finally arrive into the city. After telling Maddie there is no way in hell we are going to find parking on the street, Maddie decides to look for a lot.
3:45 PM - After entering no less than 13 parking garages, all of them full, we order Maddie to take us somewhere to eat. We go to the Dubliner.
4:45 PM - We depart the Dubliner, after instructing Maddie she needs to take us home, NOW.
Now, at this point I am thinking, ok, Maddie claims to be the Queen of Bethesda, she must know how to get home. And furthermore, it has to be impossible for a girl who has spent her entire life in DC to get lost going home. Worse comes to worse, we just find Conn. Ave, or Wisconsin.
4:50 PM - In classic Maddie fashion, she decides there is a "quicker way". So we head INTO southeast DC, passing my office which was right next to the Capitol building. I am so confused at this point.
5:55 PM - We circle around my office, the Capitol building, and the House and the Senate buildings at least 15 times. This is not a lie folks. Finally we make Maddie pull over.
"Kate, where the hell are you taking us"
"Kate, I didn't need a revolving tour of my office"
"Kate for God's sake, take us home"
"Kate, get out, I'm driving"
"Kate, mom and dad are worried about us"
"Kate, have you ever driven in the city before?"
"Kate, I smell something"
6:00 PM, almost NINE hours after we departed, Maddie explains, while crying -
"I'M SORRY OK? I JUST WANTED TO THROW THE FRISBEE. DC'S CHANGED SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE LAST. AND CONNECTICUT AVE DOESN'T TAKE US TO BETHESDA, NEITHER DOES WISCONSIN SO SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL HAVE RUINED THIS TRIP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unbelievable. But not as unbelievable as the time she convinced me to take the bus with her to work.
As we waited for the bus to come right outside of her house in Kensington, Maddie lectured me on what to do.
"BRAD GET YOUR MONEY READY!!! STEP CLOSER!!! AND DON'T MAKE ANY COMMENTS WHEN WE GET ON I SWEAR. I TAKE THIS BUS ALL THE TIME WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!"
Hey, I had never taken the bus before, so I listened. As the bus pulled up, I was ready. Now, Maddie had insisted that she get on first so I could watch and see what to do, so the bus door opened, and Maddie started in.
Little did we know that a small hole was on the bus stairs, about the circumference of a dime. Maddie, always one for fashion, was wearing some really nice, long high heels. A recipe for disaster.
As Maddie stepped onto the bus, she beat the 1 in 1,000,000,000,000 odds and without looking planted her heel perfectly into the hole on the step. Since no strap was on her shoe to hold her in, Maddie threw her hands up, flew out of her shoe, and unleashed the loudest "WOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOA" that I had ever heard. Sensing disaster, the poor bus driver, who was just trying to make an honest living, looked up in horror to see Maddie flying face first into him, effectively smashing the poor man into the glass.
I quickly jumped over Maddie to the unconscious bus driver to see if he needed CPR. Thankfully he was ok, and after Maddie pulled herself together, we finally found a seat. Some people dared to give Maddie a look, to which she fired back her infamous Maddie Message glare. Another man helped me pull out the entrenched heel, at Maddie's orders. To this day I am so thankful that she went first, so I could get a rear view of the legendary *Flying Maddie*, and to avoid the harm that the bus driver endured.
* The Flying Maddie - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a diving plunge by Maddie, usually following a trip, stumble, or alcohol induced stupor, but can also occur during normal walking. One can occur any time or place, but the majority have been seen in bars, bathrooms, during Yoga, playing kickball, and chasing Cooper come bath time. Either paralyzing laughter or hysterical crying ensues.
- ex: "We all watched in amazement as Maddie Lou tripped, took a swan dive off the top step, and toppled down to the basement floor in a span of 1.24 seconds. We were lost for words. It was the Flying Maddie."
I hope you all enjoyed this week's edition of the Maddie Moment of the Week. As always, I have attached the previous three Moments in case you need to get caught up.
"Traveling with Maddie Lou"
Before getting into the Moment I wanted to address some questions that have arisen about our good friend Maddie.
1) "Why is her name Maddie Lou?"
Good question. Before her name was Maddie Lou, Kate decided that she wanted me to call her Katrina, which she thought was more appealing than Kate. So one day on the beach we were talking about our names and Katrina bellowed -
"BRAD, FROM NOW ON I WANT TO BE KNOWN AS MADISON LOUISE. IT'S THE BEST NAME IN THE WORLD. YOU CAN CALL ME MADDIE LOU FOR SHORT. MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU MADDIE LOU, WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I agreed, and after a few weeks of calling her Maddie Lou, I noticed it fit her personality perfectly. So much in fact, that she has decided to name her first born daughter Maddie Lou Jr. I can't wait.
2) "Are these Moments really true? I mean, how can anybody do these things? Are these made up?"
Another good question. All of the Moments are 99.99% accurate, with a slim margin of error for dates and times. If they are hard to believe, ask any member of Maddie's family or friends. For some reason Maddie seems to like to change the details, but in the end she usually concedes the truth.
3) "Does Maddie get mad at the MMOTW?"
HAHA No Way!!! While Maddie may seem to be perturbed to have her greatest Moments shown to the world, she not only reads them first but she herself has forwarded them to more people than me. She even asks me details about the upcoming Moment, but of course I never tell her. My ultimate goal is to have a MMOTW reality show, where a camera follows her all day capturing the best Moments that we never see. If anyone is in the production business, let me know.
4) "What is 'WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO?'"
This is a tough one. "WOAOAOOAOA" is my best effort to capture the Maddie Bellow. We all know that Maddie has a unique voice, and your best chance of catching the Bellow is after she has had 5-6 cocktails or if she gets flustered ordering food. The Maddie Bellow tone is a combination of a singing orca whale, a squawking crow, and a screaming baboon. Put all three together and you have "WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOA", in the same exact tone of Maddie's everyday voice. If you need a demonstration and Maddie is being shy, just ask me or any member of Maddie's immediate family. We've heard hours of the Bellow, and we all have mastered it. All it takes is to hear it once, and it will be cemented in your brain forever.
Now the Moment -
I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving, I know Maddie did. After asking her how Thanksgiving dinner was, she replied -
"WELL, SINCE I HATE TURKEY, I JUST HAD THE VEGETABLES. THEY WERE OK. WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kate, you hate Turkey?"
"SHUT UP BRAD YOU KNOW I DO. I HATE IT WORSE THAN STEAK.. AND MAYO. AND TOMATOES. AND PEAS. IT TASTES DISGUSTING. I ONLY EAT DUCK, WITH A SIDE OF MANGO FRIED RICE AND MAC AND CHEESE FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
eh, whatever. Standard Maddie, that's why we love her.
Anyway, this week's Moment is dedicated to some of the most memorable times shared in the car and on the bus with Maddie. If you thought going to the bar or a restaurant with her was entertainment, I suggest you take a trip, any trip, with Maddie. Maddie loves to travel, and loves to lead the travelling even more.
The first Moment took place a little over a year ago. It was a nice spring Saturday, not too hot, not too cold. So me Verno and the kids are all Kaflounging Maddie style when Maddie runs downstairs.
"HEY GUYS!!!! LET'S GO DOWNTOWN!!!! I'LL GET A FRISBEE!!! WE'LL GO TO THE MONUMENT AND THROW IT AROUND!!! COME ON IT'LL BE FUN WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!"
Scared, and with our ears ringing, we all agree to follow Maddie on one of her infamous *Katrina Tours* (see definition below).
* Katrina Tour - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a car ride with Maddie at the helm that involves various obstacles to reaching the final destination, most likely taking every way possible to either get lost, find a bathroom, or turn a 10 minute ride into an hour, and end up with Maddie crying.
- The Katrina Tour Motto: "We make it up as we go, and go, and go, WOOAOOAOAOAOA!!!!"
ex: "The top Katrina Tours I can remember were the 50 minute ride to Tommy Joe's and getting on the Dulles Toll Road to go to RFK. And let's not forget the 1 hour 49 minute southeast DC Tour on route to a Nats Game."
Having been on a few Tours with Maddie we all are a little nervous, and for good reason. Here is what happened.
10:10 AM Departure - As soon as we get in the car, Maddie asks us if we want lunch. Having just had breakfast 6 minutes earlier, we decline. Maddie gets mad.
10:30 AM - We hit gridlock on Conn. Ave.
11:10 AM - Having been in the car an hour, and moved about 100 feet, we ask Maddie if we can go home.
"NO WAY!!! WE ARE GOING TO THROW THE FRISBEE AND HAVE LUNCH IN THE PARK!!!! EVERYONE RELAX, I'M IN CONTROL!!! WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!"
11:45 AM - We hear a grumbling noise coming from Maddie. After some quiet "woaooaoa's", Maddie swerves out of traffic and pulls over.
11:46 AM - Maddie runs into Mortons.
12: 34 PM - Maddie comes out of Mortons.
12: 35 PM - Arnold and Liz crack up in the back seat, to which Maddie exclaims...
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!! MY STOMACH HURT WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!"
2:30 PM - We finally arrive into the city. After telling Maddie there is no way in hell we are going to find parking on the street, Maddie decides to look for a lot.
3:45 PM - After entering no less than 13 parking garages, all of them full, we order Maddie to take us somewhere to eat. We go to the Dubliner.
4:45 PM - We depart the Dubliner, after instructing Maddie she needs to take us home, NOW.
Now, at this point I am thinking, ok, Maddie claims to be the Queen of Bethesda, she must know how to get home. And furthermore, it has to be impossible for a girl who has spent her entire life in DC to get lost going home. Worse comes to worse, we just find Conn. Ave, or Wisconsin.
4:50 PM - In classic Maddie fashion, she decides there is a "quicker way". So we head INTO southeast DC, passing my office which was right next to the Capitol building. I am so confused at this point.
5:55 PM - We circle around my office, the Capitol building, and the House and the Senate buildings at least 15 times. This is not a lie folks. Finally we make Maddie pull over.
"Kate, where the hell are you taking us"
"Kate, I didn't need a revolving tour of my office"
"Kate for God's sake, take us home"
"Kate, get out, I'm driving"
"Kate, mom and dad are worried about us"
"Kate, have you ever driven in the city before?"
"Kate, I smell something"
6:00 PM, almost NINE hours after we departed, Maddie explains, while crying -
"I'M SORRY OK? I JUST WANTED TO THROW THE FRISBEE. DC'S CHANGED SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE LAST. AND CONNECTICUT AVE DOESN'T TAKE US TO BETHESDA, NEITHER DOES WISCONSIN SO SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL HAVE RUINED THIS TRIP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unbelievable. But not as unbelievable as the time she convinced me to take the bus with her to work.
As we waited for the bus to come right outside of her house in Kensington, Maddie lectured me on what to do.
"BRAD GET YOUR MONEY READY!!! STEP CLOSER!!! AND DON'T MAKE ANY COMMENTS WHEN WE GET ON I SWEAR. I TAKE THIS BUS ALL THE TIME WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!"
Hey, I had never taken the bus before, so I listened. As the bus pulled up, I was ready. Now, Maddie had insisted that she get on first so I could watch and see what to do, so the bus door opened, and Maddie started in.
Little did we know that a small hole was on the bus stairs, about the circumference of a dime. Maddie, always one for fashion, was wearing some really nice, long high heels. A recipe for disaster.
As Maddie stepped onto the bus, she beat the 1 in 1,000,000,000,000 odds and without looking planted her heel perfectly into the hole on the step. Since no strap was on her shoe to hold her in, Maddie threw her hands up, flew out of her shoe, and unleashed the loudest "WOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOA" that I had ever heard. Sensing disaster, the poor bus driver, who was just trying to make an honest living, looked up in horror to see Maddie flying face first into him, effectively smashing the poor man into the glass.
I quickly jumped over Maddie to the unconscious bus driver to see if he needed CPR. Thankfully he was ok, and after Maddie pulled herself together, we finally found a seat. Some people dared to give Maddie a look, to which she fired back her infamous Maddie Message glare. Another man helped me pull out the entrenched heel, at Maddie's orders. To this day I am so thankful that she went first, so I could get a rear view of the legendary *Flying Maddie*, and to avoid the harm that the bus driver endured.
* The Flying Maddie - N ; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a diving plunge by Maddie, usually following a trip, stumble, or alcohol induced stupor, but can also occur during normal walking. One can occur any time or place, but the majority have been seen in bars, bathrooms, during Yoga, playing kickball, and chasing Cooper come bath time. Either paralyzing laughter or hysterical crying ensues.
- ex: "We all watched in amazement as Maddie Lou tripped, took a swan dive off the top step, and toppled down to the basement floor in a span of 1.24 seconds. We were lost for words. It was the Flying Maddie."
I hope you all enjoyed this week's edition of the Maddie Moment of the Week. As always, I have attached the previous three Moments in case you need to get caught up.
Maddie Moment of the Week - Special Thanksgiving Holiday Edition
"Time to Wash the Dog"
After the first two installments of the Maddie Moment of the Week, I have received many comments from various recipients, some good, some bad. Here are some excerpts:
"BRAD, YOU'RE SUCH A JERK. I DON'T EVEN FINISH READING THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SO STUPID. GET A LIFE. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY AT ALL. WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Maddie Lou herself
"Brad, this should be a syndicated column....." - Bayly
"Great work SON! Keep up the hard work. I've been forwarding these to people who don't even know Kate and they still think its hilarious!!" - Kacey Thomas
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. I looove Maddie Moments of the Week- apparently so does my
boss. All my weatherbug emails are sent to him. You must send
these to me every week! I am laughing out loud." - Lisa Catucci
"I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now. I have to go to the bathroom and stop. I haven't even finished reading." - Bridget Nalls
Thanks to all of you who enjoy the moments, and of course if anyone has any suggestions for future Maddie Moments or would like to forward the Moments to fellow Maddie fans, please do so. Also, just like last time, I have attached the first two Maddie Moments in case anyone needs to catch up. They are in Word format, which makes it easy to print and distribute.
Now, on to the Moment -
One of the best presents that Maddie brought her family upon her return from her interesting stint in South Carolina was Cooper, the lovable black lab that currently resides at the Lively household. Of course Maddie loves her too, and has given her some very nice nicknames:
"COME HERE BEEDLE DOG"
"I LOVE MY WESTERN DUNKIES"
"MY DOODLE DEEDLE"
"COOPY SHMOOPYS"
"I LOVE MY DINKY DOODLES"
Now, some of you may be thinking that because Maddie appears to love Cooper so much, she would get the owner of the year award. But of course this is the Maddie Moment of the Week, and that means that can't be the case.
I conducted a scientific Zogby/AP/ZAGAT poll survey on the Lively family (Big Joe, Cathie, Vern, Sarge, Arnold, and Liz) to see how many times in the 4+ years since Maddie moved in that she has walked the dog. Sadly, the results showed that 66% said never, 33% said once or twice, and 1% did not know (Vern, she was at school). Of course Maddie disputed the results.
"THAT IS NOT TRUE!!! I WALKED BEEDLE DOG ALL THE TIME!! SHUT UP BRAD WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!"
When I asked the Lively family what Maddie could possibly mean by this, the response was unanimous.
"Kate has a simple way of walking the dog. While she Kaflounges *(see definition below)* on the couch after a night of cocktails, she opens the door so Cooper can run around like a maniac and play traffic until Mrs. lively saves her".
Maddie's response -
"OH SHUT UP THE DOG IS FINE, SHE HAS NEVER BEEN HIT BY A CAR. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF HER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!"
* Kaflounge - V; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- to sprawl out on the couch, usually when 15 other people are in the room, usually in a peach sweatshirt and red sweatpants. Usually follows a night of drinking. The perfect "Kaflounge" position is on the back, legs either hanging off of the couch or on top of the edge, making it impossible for anyone else to sit. Maximum slobber and strange noises omit from the "Kaflounger".
ex: "As i walked into the Lively house and saw Maddie Lou dominating the entire 20 foot long couch with her slobber on the pillows and her feet in the air, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. This was the ultimate Kaflounge."
Now back to the Moment. Since Maddie apparently hates walking the dog, we can only imagine what might happen if she is forced to wash it.
It was a hot summer day and Cooper, having been washed by Mrs. Lively the past 3,479 times, was in need of a bath. Maddie, figuring that 4 years was a long enough time for other people to wash her dog, exclaims:
"COOPY WOOPY, TIME FOR A BATH BEEDLE BOODLE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!"
The family is stunned by Maddie's offer. As they all stare at Maddie in shock, the Maddie they know and love quickly returns.
"WHO WANTS TO HELP??? SARGE, JACK? WHATEVER. FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!"
The family, knowing that a classic is about to unfold, refuses to help. So Maddie gets her tools: the hose and some soap and starts blasting Cooper with water. Now, most people know that when an animal, or any living creature for that matter, starts getting pelted with water, they might run away. Wouldn't you? Maddie doesn't understand.
"THIS SUCKS. SHE KEEPS RUNNING AWAY!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?? COOPER, STAY STILL WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family just laughs, and you would too if you can picture what happens next.
Maddie huffs and puffs at her family and decides to take matters into her own hands.
Having recently seen a documentary on the entire civil rights movement, Maddie decides that the logical thing to do is to tie Cooper up to the basketball pole and spray her from point blank range with the hose. Cooper, completely confused as to why this woman is recreating the Birmingham riots, tries to get away. She starts running in circles around the pole, gasping for air and freedom, letting out barks and howls. Maddie, seeing absolutely nothing wrong and inhumane about this, continues spraying the poor dog.
At this point the Lively family collectively intervenes -
"Kate, are you insane?!"
"Kate, the dog is not on fire!!"
"Have you ever washed a dog before?!"
"Kate, no wonder Cooper is scared of you!!"
"Kate, give me the hose!!"
"Kate, did you just fart?!"
Maddie, crying, explains.
"WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO??? SHE WOULDN'T STAY STILL AND YOU ALL WOULDN'T HELP ME!!!! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!! MOM, CAN YOU WASH THE DOG? WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!"
Following her torture, Cooper decides to hide in the crawl space. To this day whenever she hears Maddie say the words "HOSE, BATH, SOAP, OR WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!", She runs in panic, as i think we all would.
Relevant Maddie Quote of the Day
"YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY WHO DOES WHAT I WANNA DO. YOU ALL ARE BORING. I'M GOING TO BONAROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AFTER ME AND BRIDGET MOVE TO THE VIRGIN ISLANDS, AND I MOVE TO SAN DIEGO TO GO TO GOLF SCHOOL WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs Lively, "Kate, we know you do what you want to do. Can you stop please?"
I hope you all enjoyed this special edition of the Maddie Moment of the Week. If you've ever wondered why Cooper has some mental problems, now you know. Happy Thanksgiving!!! Make sure you eat a ton of Mayo-less food and get in some good Kaflounging!!!
Brad
"Time to Wash the Dog"
After the first two installments of the Maddie Moment of the Week, I have received many comments from various recipients, some good, some bad. Here are some excerpts:
"BRAD, YOU'RE SUCH A JERK. I DON'T EVEN FINISH READING THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SO STUPID. GET A LIFE. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY AT ALL. WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Maddie Lou herself
"Brad, this should be a syndicated column....." - Bayly
"Great work SON! Keep up the hard work. I've been forwarding these to people who don't even know Kate and they still think its hilarious!!" - Kacey Thomas
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. I looove Maddie Moments of the Week- apparently so does my
boss. All my weatherbug emails are sent to him. You must send
these to me every week! I am laughing out loud." - Lisa Catucci
"I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now. I have to go to the bathroom and stop. I haven't even finished reading." - Bridget Nalls
Thanks to all of you who enjoy the moments, and of course if anyone has any suggestions for future Maddie Moments or would like to forward the Moments to fellow Maddie fans, please do so. Also, just like last time, I have attached the first two Maddie Moments in case anyone needs to catch up. They are in Word format, which makes it easy to print and distribute.
Now, on to the Moment -
One of the best presents that Maddie brought her family upon her return from her interesting stint in South Carolina was Cooper, the lovable black lab that currently resides at the Lively household. Of course Maddie loves her too, and has given her some very nice nicknames:
"COME HERE BEEDLE DOG"
"I LOVE MY WESTERN DUNKIES"
"MY DOODLE DEEDLE"
"COOPY SHMOOPYS"
"I LOVE MY DINKY DOODLES"
Now, some of you may be thinking that because Maddie appears to love Cooper so much, she would get the owner of the year award. But of course this is the Maddie Moment of the Week, and that means that can't be the case.
I conducted a scientific Zogby/AP/ZAGAT poll survey on the Lively family (Big Joe, Cathie, Vern, Sarge, Arnold, and Liz) to see how many times in the 4+ years since Maddie moved in that she has walked the dog. Sadly, the results showed that 66% said never, 33% said once or twice, and 1% did not know (Vern, she was at school). Of course Maddie disputed the results.
"THAT IS NOT TRUE!!! I WALKED BEEDLE DOG ALL THE TIME!! SHUT UP BRAD WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!"
When I asked the Lively family what Maddie could possibly mean by this, the response was unanimous.
"Kate has a simple way of walking the dog. While she Kaflounges *(see definition below)* on the couch after a night of cocktails, she opens the door so Cooper can run around like a maniac and play traffic until Mrs. lively saves her".
Maddie's response -
"OH SHUT UP THE DOG IS FINE, SHE HAS NEVER BEEN HIT BY A CAR. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF HER WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!"
* Kaflounge - V; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- to sprawl out on the couch, usually when 15 other people are in the room, usually in a peach sweatshirt and red sweatpants. Usually follows a night of drinking. The perfect "Kaflounge" position is on the back, legs either hanging off of the couch or on top of the edge, making it impossible for anyone else to sit. Maximum slobber and strange noises omit from the "Kaflounger".
ex: "As i walked into the Lively house and saw Maddie Lou dominating the entire 20 foot long couch with her slobber on the pillows and her feet in the air, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. This was the ultimate Kaflounge."
Now back to the Moment. Since Maddie apparently hates walking the dog, we can only imagine what might happen if she is forced to wash it.
It was a hot summer day and Cooper, having been washed by Mrs. Lively the past 3,479 times, was in need of a bath. Maddie, figuring that 4 years was a long enough time for other people to wash her dog, exclaims:
"COOPY WOOPY, TIME FOR A BATH BEEDLE BOODLE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!"
The family is stunned by Maddie's offer. As they all stare at Maddie in shock, the Maddie they know and love quickly returns.
"WHO WANTS TO HELP??? SARGE, JACK? WHATEVER. FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!"
The family, knowing that a classic is about to unfold, refuses to help. So Maddie gets her tools: the hose and some soap and starts blasting Cooper with water. Now, most people know that when an animal, or any living creature for that matter, starts getting pelted with water, they might run away. Wouldn't you? Maddie doesn't understand.
"THIS SUCKS. SHE KEEPS RUNNING AWAY!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?? COOPER, STAY STILL WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The family just laughs, and you would too if you can picture what happens next.
Maddie huffs and puffs at her family and decides to take matters into her own hands.
Having recently seen a documentary on the entire civil rights movement, Maddie decides that the logical thing to do is to tie Cooper up to the basketball pole and spray her from point blank range with the hose. Cooper, completely confused as to why this woman is recreating the Birmingham riots, tries to get away. She starts running in circles around the pole, gasping for air and freedom, letting out barks and howls. Maddie, seeing absolutely nothing wrong and inhumane about this, continues spraying the poor dog.
At this point the Lively family collectively intervenes -
"Kate, are you insane?!"
"Kate, the dog is not on fire!!"
"Have you ever washed a dog before?!"
"Kate, no wonder Cooper is scared of you!!"
"Kate, give me the hose!!"
"Kate, did you just fart?!"
Maddie, crying, explains.
"WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO??? SHE WOULDN'T STAY STILL AND YOU ALL WOULDN'T HELP ME!!!! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!! MOM, CAN YOU WASH THE DOG? WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!"
Following her torture, Cooper decides to hide in the crawl space. To this day whenever she hears Maddie say the words "HOSE, BATH, SOAP, OR WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!", She runs in panic, as i think we all would.
Relevant Maddie Quote of the Day
"YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY WHO DOES WHAT I WANNA DO. YOU ALL ARE BORING. I'M GOING TO BONAROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AFTER ME AND BRIDGET MOVE TO THE VIRGIN ISLANDS, AND I MOVE TO SAN DIEGO TO GO TO GOLF SCHOOL WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mrs Lively, "Kate, we know you do what you want to do. Can you stop please?"
I hope you all enjoyed this special edition of the Maddie Moment of the Week. If you've ever wondered why Cooper has some mental problems, now you know. Happy Thanksgiving!!! Make sure you eat a ton of Mayo-less food and get in some good Kaflounging!!!
Brad
Maddie Moment of the Week - Friday, November 18, 2005
"The Santa Fe Omelette"
I hope you all enjoyed the first installment of the Maddie Moment of the Week, and if anyone did not receive the first moment, i have attached it on this email. Again, please feel free to send this to anyone who loves Maddie, and therefore would love the Maddie Moment of the week. Now on to the omelette.
This moment also takes place at the beach, Easter Sunday, 2005. The Lively family and I had attempted to attend Church to honor our Lord but it was way too packed. Not knowing what to do, Maddie offered her suggestion:
"LET'S GO TO BAYSIDE SKILLET WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Almost slamming the car into a telephone pole from the fire-alarm pitched Maddie exclamation, Mr. Lively agrees to take us there.
So we all sit down at the Skillet and mull over the menu. Now, if anyone hasn’t been there before, you can basically get two things from the Skillet...an omelette of your choice (they have a wide variety), or an order of crepes that are delicious. But, you have to be careful, because the orders are huge. So big, it is like they dont want you to finish.
After ordering drinks, the waitress comes over to see if we are ready. She looks at Maddie.
"I'M NOT READY YET WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So the waitress moves on to the rest of us, and we all get omelettes and crepes, with normal ingredients i.e. sausage, bacon, onions, peppers for the omelettes and strawberries and other fruit with the crepes. Then the waitress returns to Maddie.
"WELL I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN THE SEAFOOD OMLETTE WITH CRAB, TUNA AND OCTOPUS OR THE SANTA FE OMLETTE WITH 23 VEGETABLES, CHICKEN, SALSA, CHILI, AND 55 HERBS AND SPICES WOWOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Knowing a gem was about to appear, we all start chuckling. Maddie, getting flustered and nervous exclaims...
"I'LL HAVE THE SANTA FE OMLETTE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!"
Now, at this point the entire family, myself included, partake in the usual Maddie moment questions:
"Kate, why couldn’t you just get something normal?"
"Kate, one bite of that and you’ll go straight to the barrel house"
"Kate, are you crying?"
"Kate, both of those are the most disgusting items on the menu"
"Why are you crying?"
"Kate, are you even going to eat that?"
"Kate, did you just toot?"
Maddie, always armed with replies to such questions states:
"YOU ALL RUSHED ME INTO ORDERING (note: Maddie ordered last). AND MY OMLETTE WILL BE THE BEST ONE HERE YOU WILL SEE. YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY, BUT YOUR NOT. SHUT UP BRAD, DAD, JOE. HOW COME I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT TRIES SOMETHING DIFFERENT? YOU ALL ARE BORING WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!"
10 minutes later, we all get our food. As we ravenously chow down our selections (also, in no way is this Moment claiming the food is bad there, it is really good), we suddenly notice that Maddie has disappeared. As we look over at her seat, all we see is 55 pounds of egg, cheese, hot sauce, chili, peppers, onions, jalapenos, chicken, beef, tomatoes, corn, cilantro, beans and chives. As Maddie poked her head out from behind the towering mound, she gave us the "Maddie Message" (see definition below). We knew she meant business.
Maddie Message - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a cold, icing stare from Maddie Lou, which can either follow or precede a hilarious Maddie quote, stumble, or moment - sending the message to shut up now, or else.
ex: "After Mr. Lively made the loudest farting noise ever when Maddie bent over on the basketball court to retrieve the baby's toy, he received the worst Maddie Message of the year."
After receiving the Message, we all quietly eat our breakfast while avoiding to look at each other for fear of bursting out laughing. A few minutes go by, and then we hear a scream from Harry. Not to our surprise, when Maddie had pierced the omelette with her machete, a fountain of grease and spices had nailed Harry in the face. Maddie is stunned. We can't hold it any longer, we burst out laughing.
Maddie, now crying, proclaims "I'M SORRY OK, BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! YOU RUSHED ME!!! THEY DIDNT COOK THE CHICKEN RIGHT!!!! SHUT UP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!"
Calmly, Mr. Lively takes out the menu and says "Kate, let's take a look at the ingredients"
10 minutes later, after Mr. Lively had read the two pages worth of ingredients, the check has come and been paid for. He then says:
"Kate, i don’t think the chicken was the problem. You ordered the only thing on the menu with 10 paragraphs of ingredients, what did you expect?"
After Maddie refused to talk and touch the omelette, Joe, Jack and I lifted the mound and took it to the kitchen since they were short staffed that day and there weren’t enough people to carry it. After Maddie refused to eat anything else, it was time to leave. Another Maddie Moment in the books. I hope you all enjoyed this week's installment of the "Maddie Moment of the Week". Stay tuned for next Friday’s edition.
"The Santa Fe Omelette"
I hope you all enjoyed the first installment of the Maddie Moment of the Week, and if anyone did not receive the first moment, i have attached it on this email. Again, please feel free to send this to anyone who loves Maddie, and therefore would love the Maddie Moment of the week. Now on to the omelette.
This moment also takes place at the beach, Easter Sunday, 2005. The Lively family and I had attempted to attend Church to honor our Lord but it was way too packed. Not knowing what to do, Maddie offered her suggestion:
"LET'S GO TO BAYSIDE SKILLET WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Almost slamming the car into a telephone pole from the fire-alarm pitched Maddie exclamation, Mr. Lively agrees to take us there.
So we all sit down at the Skillet and mull over the menu. Now, if anyone hasn’t been there before, you can basically get two things from the Skillet...an omelette of your choice (they have a wide variety), or an order of crepes that are delicious. But, you have to be careful, because the orders are huge. So big, it is like they dont want you to finish.
After ordering drinks, the waitress comes over to see if we are ready. She looks at Maddie.
"I'M NOT READY YET WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So the waitress moves on to the rest of us, and we all get omelettes and crepes, with normal ingredients i.e. sausage, bacon, onions, peppers for the omelettes and strawberries and other fruit with the crepes. Then the waitress returns to Maddie.
"WELL I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN THE SEAFOOD OMLETTE WITH CRAB, TUNA AND OCTOPUS OR THE SANTA FE OMLETTE WITH 23 VEGETABLES, CHICKEN, SALSA, CHILI, AND 55 HERBS AND SPICES WOWOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!"
Knowing a gem was about to appear, we all start chuckling. Maddie, getting flustered and nervous exclaims...
"I'LL HAVE THE SANTA FE OMLETTE WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!"
Now, at this point the entire family, myself included, partake in the usual Maddie moment questions:
"Kate, why couldn’t you just get something normal?"
"Kate, one bite of that and you’ll go straight to the barrel house"
"Kate, are you crying?"
"Kate, both of those are the most disgusting items on the menu"
"Why are you crying?"
"Kate, are you even going to eat that?"
"Kate, did you just toot?"
Maddie, always armed with replies to such questions states:
"YOU ALL RUSHED ME INTO ORDERING (note: Maddie ordered last). AND MY OMLETTE WILL BE THE BEST ONE HERE YOU WILL SEE. YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY, BUT YOUR NOT. SHUT UP BRAD, DAD, JOE. HOW COME I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT TRIES SOMETHING DIFFERENT? YOU ALL ARE BORING WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!"
10 minutes later, we all get our food. As we ravenously chow down our selections (also, in no way is this Moment claiming the food is bad there, it is really good), we suddenly notice that Maddie has disappeared. As we look over at her seat, all we see is 55 pounds of egg, cheese, hot sauce, chili, peppers, onions, jalapenos, chicken, beef, tomatoes, corn, cilantro, beans and chives. As Maddie poked her head out from behind the towering mound, she gave us the "Maddie Message" (see definition below). We knew she meant business.
Maddie Message - N; (From the Madison Louise Library of Terms)
- a cold, icing stare from Maddie Lou, which can either follow or precede a hilarious Maddie quote, stumble, or moment - sending the message to shut up now, or else.
ex: "After Mr. Lively made the loudest farting noise ever when Maddie bent over on the basketball court to retrieve the baby's toy, he received the worst Maddie Message of the year."
After receiving the Message, we all quietly eat our breakfast while avoiding to look at each other for fear of bursting out laughing. A few minutes go by, and then we hear a scream from Harry. Not to our surprise, when Maddie had pierced the omelette with her machete, a fountain of grease and spices had nailed Harry in the face. Maddie is stunned. We can't hold it any longer, we burst out laughing.
Maddie, now crying, proclaims "I'M SORRY OK, BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! YOU RUSHED ME!!! THEY DIDNT COOK THE CHICKEN RIGHT!!!! SHUT UP WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!"
Calmly, Mr. Lively takes out the menu and says "Kate, let's take a look at the ingredients"
10 minutes later, after Mr. Lively had read the two pages worth of ingredients, the check has come and been paid for. He then says:
"Kate, i don’t think the chicken was the problem. You ordered the only thing on the menu with 10 paragraphs of ingredients, what did you expect?"
After Maddie refused to talk and touch the omelette, Joe, Jack and I lifted the mound and took it to the kitchen since they were short staffed that day and there weren’t enough people to carry it. After Maddie refused to eat anything else, it was time to leave. Another Maddie Moment in the books. I hope you all enjoyed this week's installment of the "Maddie Moment of the Week". Stay tuned for next Friday’s edition.
Maddie Moment of the Week
All -
I've decided to compile the greatest Maddie Moments in history every Friday, since most of us need a laugh as we count the seconds till the weekend. Of course Maddie is the source of so much entertainment, whether on purpose or unintentional. Please add names and forward this to anyone who might enjoy the first Maddie Moment of the Week.
Maddie Moment of the Week - Friday, November 11, 2005
"The Cheese steak Stomp"
An instant classic, this moment took place this past summer at the Lively's beach house. It was a typical Sunday morning, as we were all wasted from the previous night of Lighthouse shenanigans. Not knowing what to do, Vern and I ask Maddie if she can either prepare us some food (a bell pepper dish would suffice), or if we could order some.
"LET"S GET SURF'S UP WOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vern, almost blown over by Maddie's bellow says, "ok Kate calm down, we'll get surf's up"
Mr. Lively even sweetens the deal, "My dollar"
So of course we are all happy. We are going to fill our stomachs with greasy goodness for free, and what better to fill us than Surf's Up. Of course, no goodness would be eaten my friends, as Maddie had one of the best blowups of her career.
PREFACE
For the past 20 years, Maddie has had several fairly odd claims to fame in regards to food. There is the claim that "I HATE STEAK WOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!" And of course, "WHAT IDIOT PUTS MAYO IN TUNA? THAT'S GROSS WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!" "Kate, what do you put in Tuna" "MUSTARD WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!" But of course, Maddie would out do herself.
That weekend, after Maddie had offered to make everyone sandwiches, I requested a turkey sandwich, with Lettuce Tomato and Mayo. Maddie's Response - "EWWW BRAD, I TOLD YOU I HATE MAYO. YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SANDWICH NOW!!!! MAYO MAYO MAYO, WOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!! !!" So i never got a sandwich, cause Maddie said "I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT MAYO, IT MAKES ME PUKE WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ok, Kate.
Back To Sunday
Like a Somalian refugee seeing his first food in weeks, Maddie rushes up to the counter, grabs the note-pad and announces "I'LL TAKE THE ORDERS WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!". So we all order, normal orders, steaks, subs etc. Then it's Maddie's turn. She doesn't announce her order.
Mr. Lively, noticing something is suspicious asks, "What are you getting Kate?"
Her response - "UMMMMM, WELL I'M GETTING A CHEESTEAK WITH LETTUCE, PICKLES, AND......you guessed it my friends...MAYO WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!"
Hold up. Is she serious? The same Maddie Lou who wouldn’t make me a damn sandwich cause it had Mayo on it had just ordered Mayo on her steak?
Mr. Lively - "Kate, did you just say Mayo?"
Maddie, noticing we are all looking at her in disbelief claims, "WELL, USUALLY I ORDER A CHEESESTEAK WITH EXTRA CHEESE BUT YOU SAID THAT WAS GROSS SO I NEED THE MAYO SO THE STEAK ISNT DRY WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As i'm sure you are all doing right now, we all burst into laughter and ask her if she's serious. It was a mistake, my friends.
"SHUT UP!!!!! THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL ORDER YOUR OWN DAMN SUBS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - and with this tirade, later to be dubbed the cheese steak stomp, she throws her pad and pen on the floor and runs down the steps as her Dad is saying "Great, turning 25 next week Kate? Real mature".
Of course we are all howling. Another mistake, for Maddie was not through.
10 seconds later, she comes up the stairs screaming.
"I'M SORRY, BUT I GET MADE FUN OF SO MUCH AND I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! silence. "WELL, AM I RIGHT? TRUE OR FALSE WOAOAOAOAOAOA"
Mr. Lively, in classic Big Joe Fashion goes, "oh i didn’t know we were playing a game...true! false! did i get it right? what's the right answer?" silence "Kate you live your life on an anti-mayo agenda, and you just ordered it on your steak. what the hell do you expect?"
Maddie stomps downstairs. Mr. Lively, now mad, announces, "that's it, no surf's up."
So Me, Vern, Sarge and the kids starved. we had no lunch. all because Maddie, queen of the anti-mayo society, ordered mayo on her sub. I hope you all enjoyed this week's version of the Maddie Moment of the Week. Please join us again next week.
P.S. To this day, Maddie still proclaims, "I HATE MAYO WOWOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've decided to compile the greatest Maddie Moments in history every Friday, since most of us need a laugh as we count the seconds till the weekend. Of course Maddie is the source of so much entertainment, whether on purpose or unintentional. Please add names and forward this to anyone who might enjoy the first Maddie Moment of the Week.
Maddie Moment of the Week - Friday, November 11, 2005
"The Cheese steak Stomp"
An instant classic, this moment took place this past summer at the Lively's beach house. It was a typical Sunday morning, as we were all wasted from the previous night of Lighthouse shenanigans. Not knowing what to do, Vern and I ask Maddie if she can either prepare us some food (a bell pepper dish would suffice), or if we could order some.
"LET"S GET SURF'S UP WOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vern, almost blown over by Maddie's bellow says, "ok Kate calm down, we'll get surf's up"
Mr. Lively even sweetens the deal, "My dollar"
So of course we are all happy. We are going to fill our stomachs with greasy goodness for free, and what better to fill us than Surf's Up. Of course, no goodness would be eaten my friends, as Maddie had one of the best blowups of her career.
PREFACE
For the past 20 years, Maddie has had several fairly odd claims to fame in regards to food. There is the claim that "I HATE STEAK WOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!" And of course, "WHAT IDIOT PUTS MAYO IN TUNA? THAT'S GROSS WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOA!!!!" "Kate, what do you put in Tuna" "MUSTARD WOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!" But of course, Maddie would out do herself.
That weekend, after Maddie had offered to make everyone sandwiches, I requested a turkey sandwich, with Lettuce Tomato and Mayo. Maddie's Response - "EWWW BRAD, I TOLD YOU I HATE MAYO. YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SANDWICH NOW!!!! MAYO MAYO MAYO, WOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!! !!" So i never got a sandwich, cause Maddie said "I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT MAYO, IT MAKES ME PUKE WOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ok, Kate.
Back To Sunday
Like a Somalian refugee seeing his first food in weeks, Maddie rushes up to the counter, grabs the note-pad and announces "I'LL TAKE THE ORDERS WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!". So we all order, normal orders, steaks, subs etc. Then it's Maddie's turn. She doesn't announce her order.
Mr. Lively, noticing something is suspicious asks, "What are you getting Kate?"
Her response - "UMMMMM, WELL I'M GETTING A CHEESTEAK WITH LETTUCE, PICKLES, AND......you guessed it my friends...MAYO WOAOAOAOAOAOAOOA!!!!!"
Hold up. Is she serious? The same Maddie Lou who wouldn’t make me a damn sandwich cause it had Mayo on it had just ordered Mayo on her steak?
Mr. Lively - "Kate, did you just say Mayo?"
Maddie, noticing we are all looking at her in disbelief claims, "WELL, USUALLY I ORDER A CHEESESTEAK WITH EXTRA CHEESE BUT YOU SAID THAT WAS GROSS SO I NEED THE MAYO SO THE STEAK ISNT DRY WOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As i'm sure you are all doing right now, we all burst into laughter and ask her if she's serious. It was a mistake, my friends.
"SHUT UP!!!!! THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL ORDER YOUR OWN DAMN SUBS WOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - and with this tirade, later to be dubbed the cheese steak stomp, she throws her pad and pen on the floor and runs down the steps as her Dad is saying "Great, turning 25 next week Kate? Real mature".
Of course we are all howling. Another mistake, for Maddie was not through.
10 seconds later, she comes up the stairs screaming.
"I'M SORRY, BUT I GET MADE FUN OF SO MUCH AND I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! silence. "WELL, AM I RIGHT? TRUE OR FALSE WOAOAOAOAOAOA"
Mr. Lively, in classic Big Joe Fashion goes, "oh i didn’t know we were playing a game...true! false! did i get it right? what's the right answer?" silence "Kate you live your life on an anti-mayo agenda, and you just ordered it on your steak. what the hell do you expect?"
Maddie stomps downstairs. Mr. Lively, now mad, announces, "that's it, no surf's up."
So Me, Vern, Sarge and the kids starved. we had no lunch. all because Maddie, queen of the anti-mayo society, ordered mayo on her sub. I hope you all enjoyed this week's version of the Maddie Moment of the Week. Please join us again next week.
P.S. To this day, Maddie still proclaims, "I HATE MAYO WOWOAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO!!!!!!!!!!!"
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